


really, nursey? a groupchat?

by WritingForFood



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Chatting & Messaging, F/M, M/M, chatfic, honestly? i just love this gay haus, i may write a more serious fic for the ships, since tango/whiskey and ollie/wicks dont rly recieve attention, some plot and angst and mainy fluff in my crack chat fic? it's more likely than you think!, the overshare of too many classic memes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-01
Updated: 2018-09-01
Packaged: 2019-07-05 15:49:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15866775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WritingForFood/pseuds/WritingForFood
Summary: nursey creates a groupchat intially to embarrass ford's love for vines, eventually, it becomes a permanent addition for the hausmates.





	really, nursey? a groupchat?

**Author's Note:**

> group chat nicknames are:  
> BittyCoin - Bitty  
> falcon - Jack  
> ms kesha - Holster  
> fuckin dead - Ransom  
> W - Shitty  
> king - Lardo  
> ballerino - Nursey  
> dexpacito - Dex  
> clam chowder - Chowder  
> anime icon - Ollie  
> gay agenda - Wicks  
> foxtrot - Ford  
> the quiet one - Whiskey  
> the loud one - Tango  
> dom - Farmer
> 
> holster and ransom assigned them all and the haus never bothered to change them!

**[ballerino] has created a group chat.**

**[ballerino] has added [anime icon], [BittyCoin], [clam chowder], [dexpacito], [dom], [falcon], [foxtrot], [fuckin dead], [gay agenda], [king], [ms kesha], [the loud one], [the quiet one], and [W].**

**[ballerino] has named the group chat: 'ford the vine queen?'.**

* * *

**ballerino:** LMAO listen,, listen **  
**

**foxtrot:** Do not! He is very incorrect with what he is about to say.

**BittyCoin** : What is this? Why have we never had a group chat before?

**falcon** : it was one of the bylaws. i actually forgot about that one.

**clam chowder** : ok group chat!! but what does nursey have to say???

**ballerino** : yes back to me this is important

**foxtrot** : Everyone that believes him is officially fired from the team.

**ms kesha** : ITS A RISK IM WILLING TO TAKE

**the quiet one** : I'm going to guess it has something to do with the title.

**fuckin dead** : wow

**fuckin dead** : i really didn't expect you to speak before tango

**the quiet one** : ...

**fuckin dead** : did you just type "..." ??

**ballerino** : GUYS

**ballerino** : it doesn't matter about the group chat, holster getting kicked from the team or whiskey talking first. what matters is that ford's brain is 50% vines

**ballerino** : i found a video on farmer's phone,,, and it's foxtrot

**foxtrot** : No!

**ballerino** : reenacting that vine "what's better than this? guy's bein' dudes" vine durin one of our matches im dying

**dom** : _[FordVineQueen.mp4]_

**foxtrot** : Et tu, Farmer?

**dom** : I still love you.

**W** : this is, , the funji est thing i have ever seen faremr tell me there is more

**dom** : Possibly.

**foxtrot** : Alright, cool! Good talk, everyone. We're officially looking for a replacement for Nursey on the Hockey Team and Caitlin on the Volleyball team.

**dexpacito** : He deserves this.

**dom** : YOU DON'T RUN THE VOLLEYBALL TEAM.

**fuckin dead** : im not sure you get a choice pfft

**king** : Dominant Foxtrot is my kink

**ballerino** : sjdigjfodjgiojioajfi0jwe

**gay agenda** : i just choked on my water in class and everyone stared at me, i'm suing larissa

**king** : .. I shall let Larissa pass this once

**W** : wea k

**king** : Shut up

**dexpacito** : I'm more concerned on why Farmer's nickname is 'Dom'.

**BittyCoin** : I mean, if Farmer is the Dom, what does that make Chowder, Dex?

**ms kesha** : BITTY NO

**W** : ijm goin g to die

**dom** : He just dropped his phone, he's blushing so hard. I love him.

**fuckin dead** : aw, i'm sure you'll look after him well

**the quiet one** : This has already gone too far.

**falcon** : agreed.

**foxtrot** : Agreed.

**gay agenda** : even tho it nearly killed me, i think it's funny

**ballerino** : yeah!! i can finally talk to all of you!!! even thsoe i don't know well, like ollie or tango!

**ballerino** : speaking of which,,, they're the only 2 to not have spoken yet,,, i think

**gay agenda** : ollie is at the gym, he has his notifications switched off to concerntrate.

**ballerino** : loving

**ms kesha** : soft

**fuckin dead** : domestic

**W** : cute

**gay agenda** : what??

**dexpacito** : Nursey is yelling at the fact that you "know each other inside an out" and is complaining that I'm not "enough like Wicks". We're not even dating.

**gay agenda** : ...

**fuckin dead** : really? is "..." a thing now? someone answer me!

**the quiet one** : Tango is with me, he's sleeping.

**BittyCoin** : Is he feeling okay? He's so energetic during the day, I worry if he gets enough sleep.

**the quiet one** : Yes. I schedule his naps and how much he sleeps so he doesn't fall asleep in class or asking questions.

**BittyCoin** : That's good. I'll bring some water up.

**the quiet one** : Thank you.

**W** : i'd tease but i ' m afraid of twhiskey

**ms kesha** : mood

**foxtrot** : He's actually a big baby! He's just shy. I'm glad he's being talkative today!

**king** : Wow him and Tango really are made for each other

**dom** : They don't have matching nicknames for nothing!

**king** : True

**falcon** : we should delete chat now, nursey told us what he had to say.

**BittyCoin** : Jack, no! This is a good way of the team keeping up. Even if you and Shitty are no longer on it!

**W** : y y eah jack!

**falcon** : fine.

**foxtrot** : It's official!

**[foxtrot] has re-named the group chat: 'Haus Talks'.**

**BittyCoin:** I have a feeling the group name will change a lot.

**[ms kesha] has re-named the group chat: 'those hockey hoes'.**

**BittyCoin:** There we go.

**ms kesha** : you know we had to do it to 'em

**king** : Cursed

**anime icon** : Hello!

**ballerino** : hey ollie

**ballerino** : knowin ur name is "anime icon" and ur profile pic is lisa simpson is so funny

**ballerino** : oh wait tango's icon is anime

**fuckin dead** : u know what that means!!!

**ms kesha** : if he has an anime icon, they lose the right to their kneecaps!!!

**W** : Y EHA

**ballerino** : agreeeeeeed

**the quiet one** : You must all know if any of you laid a finger on Tango, you'd go to sleep and never wake up in the morning.

**king** : Fuck

**BittyCoin** : Uh. Boys, don't be mean to Tango!

**foxtrot** : Nevermind, you should probably be afraid of Whiskey!

**clam chowder** : me and farmer r going annie's!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! orders ?

**W** : frappuccino

**W** : s hit wait

**clam chowder** : i'll buy a frappuccino for myself because u spelt it correctly !!! i'm sorry u live light years away

**king** : Oh wait it's Saturday

**ms kesha** : are we havin movie night or no ???

**W** : that s tempt ing to com down foor

**falcon** : agreed.

**BittyCoin** : Aw, you two can come down sometime soon! And yes, Holster, movie night is on.

**ms kesha** : YAY

**dom** : Nice! We'll just get everyone's regulars. Chowder has them saved. I'm staying over.

**BittyCoin** : Of course, hun. I'll start baking. Dex, if you're free, come down and help!

**dexpacito** : Sure.

**gay agenda** : my class is finished, i'm on pizza duty aren't i?

**anime icon** : Yes, mister.

**gay agenda** : 'swawesome.

**BittyCoin** : Thank you, Wicks!

**fuckin dead** : i'm on snackssssssssssssssss

**king** : I GET TO PICK THE MOVIES

**ms kesha** : i' m almost certain one of them is going to be an art documentary

**king** : You are right

**ms kesha** : i'm with that freaky shit

**dexpacito** : I'm using my interruption card.

**king** : Oh?

**ballerino** : oh?

**anime icon** : Oh?

**fuckin dead** : now im curious oh my god

**ballerino** : babe tell us what you want to add !!

**dexpacito** : I'm not your babe, shut up.

**dexpacito** : The new Mr. Rogers documentary came out a couple of days ago. I haven't had time to watch it, and I want to.

**fuckin dead** : thats Valid

**W** : fucki n damrite valid !

**king** : I agree i'm not even taking away your interruption card i'm gonna add it to my four

**foxtrot** : This just in. William "Dex" Poindexter? A secret softie?

**ballerino** : aheifaiosjfio true

**clam chowder** : he is !!!!

**clam chowder** : en route haus we have coffee !!!!!!!!

**fuckin dead** : im @ store rn rn

**BittyCoin** : Pies are cooking! Wicks?

**BittyCoin** : Wicks?

**Dom** : Come on, Wicks! Open up.

**gay agenda** : i'm sad

**BittyCoin** : That's not what she meant, but uh!

**anime icon** : Let him speak, Bitty.

**gay agenda** : i was speaking my mother tongue and english is still hard so i spoke to my mom on the phone to ask how to properly say 'magharita' and ofc i speak in mother tongue

**gay agenda** : lot of people glared at me and it was upsetting

**gay agenda** : english is very hard

**anime icon** : Oh, baby.

**BittyCoin** : Hun, if it helps, you speak better English than the majority of this team!

**fuckin dead** : i mean rude but also accurate

**the quiet one** : I actually did not know you spoke another language. What is your first?

**gay agenda** : german, very rough sounding i've been told

**the quiet one** : You must speak it sometime. My mother tongue is Spanish, but I am fluent in English and Portugese.

**fuckin dead** : i know a lil bit of yoruba from my older family

**dexpacito** : Me too, but Gaelic.

**foxtrot** : I also know Spanish. Tango knows a little bit of Spanish and a lot of Italian.

**ms kesha** : pfft why italian??

**falcon** : adam his name is tony tangredi.

**W** : y h bro

**ms kesha** : ??? and ???

**King** : I'm either dissociating or high did u just ask and ?

**fuckin dead** : ADAM

**ms kesha** : WHAT???

**BittyCoin** : Oh, for the love of everything under the sun, he's Italian!

**ms kesha** : so ???

**[king] has left the group chat.**

**ballerino** : suJGISEDJGKIFF0SOIPF

**anime icon** : I think I heard Nursey fall off his bed from the next room.

**ballerino** : you're correct,

**ms kesha** : i'm still confused

**falcon** : how are you confused?

**foxtrot** : As much as this is funny, I'm concerned on how you aren't processing Tango knowing Italian.

**ms kesha** : so hes italian?? doesnt mean he has to learn italian! im just curious why he had to learn it

**[foxtrot] has left the group chat.**

**dexpacito** : We're dropping like flies and I'm sure if this continues Nursey is surely going to die.

**BittyCoin** : Ransom, hun, explain.

**fuckin dead** : bro ,, if he's ITALIAN and KNOWS ITALIAN,,, did it occur to you that he might have already known italian growing up? you know,,, like i knew english and yoruba growin up,,

**fuckin dead** : or how dex knows english and gaelic

**ms kesha** : oh shit yeah HA my bad lol

**[clam chowder] has added [king] and [foxtrot] to the group chat.**

**BittyCoin** : Crisis solved!

**king** : Oh Thank God

**gay agenda** : pizza!

**BittyCoin** : Pizza!

**king** : pizza!

**foxtrot** : Pizza!

**ballerino** : pizza!

**W** : P izza!

**W** : aw fuck o wait

**fuckin dead** : i bet the elle woods life sucks now huh

**W** : i mean,, a t the end of the movi e im implied to get ri ch wit hthe love of my lfie so suck it ransom

**fuckin dead** : shit u rite

**king** : <3

**W** : <3

**dexpacito** : Dollar in the jar.

**king** : Fuck off he doesn't even go here

**dexpacito** : I still read the heart, I was involved in the moment.

**BittyCoin** : He has you there.

**king** : UGH

**anime icon** : Now I can hear Lardo stomping down the stairs. Grumpy, I'm sure.

**BittyCoin** : She slowly put the dollar in the jar whilst maintaining eye contact with Dex with a look of fury on her face. It's a good job that Dex is single, otherwise she'd jump at every chance.

**falcon** : haha.

**W** : i p;m upset that i  dint make jack l augh first but im glad my girl is goi n to murder a ginger

**ballerino** : HA

**dexpacito** : I could beat Lardo in a fight, what are you all talking about?

**ms kesha** : WOAH

**fuckin dead** : WOAH

**the quiet one** : Stepping on thin ice.

**dexpacito** : She's five foot one, I'm assured a win.

**falcon** : if you remember johnson, he was 6'5, and lardo beat him in a fight. twice. you won't win.

**ballerino** : trust me dexyboo, shut it

**clam chowder** : yeah i dont want you to get hurt dex !!!

**king** : I'd listen to them

**dexpacito** : ...Fine.

**fuckin dead** : REALLY YOU USED "..." AGAIN IS ANYONE GOIGN TO AGREE ITS ANNOYING, ARE U SEEING THIS MESSAGE

**dom** : We're back!

**BittyCoin** : Oh, just in time! Pie's are coming out of the oven and Wicks and Ransom are coming back now.

**king** : Nice I'm coming down with the movies prepare butts

**clam chowder** : butt status: 68%

**dom** : Butt Status: Complete and ready to engage sitting protocol.

**king** : Sitting protocol initiated

**dom** : Sitting has commenced.

**dom** : Sitting was a success. Congratulations, team.

**BittyCoin** : I'd like to point out that throughout all those texts, Farmer was actually following them and sat down when told, y'all!

**king** : She desereves a medal

**W** : t r ophies!

**clam chowder** : hugs !!!!!

**BittyCoin** : Now Chowder just jumped into Farmer's lap and is hugging her.

**BittyCoin** : Wicks is back! Everyone else, hurry!

**the quiet one** : I can hear Holster, Ford, Ollie, Lardo and Nursey storming the stairs. Let me wake Tango.

**fuckin dead** : take ur time ,  im 5 mins away wait !

**BittyCoin** : We will, don't worry. Popcorn is a must.

**falcon** : aw. wish I was there.

**BittyCoin** : I'm sure you do, Mr. Zimmerman. :)

**ballerino** : gay!

**dexpacito** : Babe, you're also gay?

**foxtrot** : BABE?

**anime icon** : BABE?

**king** : BABE?

**[dexpacito] has left the group chat.**

**BittyCoin** : He left the group chat and the kitchen! Oh, gosh!

**dom** : And as red as blood, too. Damn.

**fuckin dead** : dont make me laugh i'll crash my car

* * *

**[BittyCoin] and [falcon]**

**falcon:** is dex actually gay? it was obvious that was a mistake.

**BittyCoin** : Yes, hun, he is. I really shouldn't be saying, they told me in confidence. Dex likes Nursey, Nursey likes Dex, Nursey likes to tease Dex about them being in a relationship.

**falcon** : why?

**BittyCoin** : For some reason, I think Nursey thinks Dex feels uncomfortable around us. Or around Whiskey and Tango, or Ford.

**falcon** : reminds me of me.

**BittyCoin** : Aw, darling.

**falcon** : you should reach out, bits. it tore me up for a while, i don't really want the same to happen to someone on my team.

**BittyCoin** : I thought your team was the Falconers, handsome?

**falcon** : i mean my family. our haus. you know how nursey can get with his teasing, and obviously, we know dex's temper.

**BittyCoin** : I know, I know. I'll talk to them after movie night. I'm sending Chowder and Farmer to go get him.

**falcon** : make sure nursey leaves him alone during your movie night. you can talk with them about it after, okay?

**BittyCoin** : Sounds good, love. Skype later?

**falcon** : of course. tater is calling, see you tonight. love you.

**BittyCoin** : Love you too!

* * *

**[clam chowder] and [dexpacito]**

**clam chowder** : dex!!! dexy?

**clam chowder** : dex!

**clam chowder** : i'm worried! me and farmer are looking for u, it's not a movie night without the whole fam :))

**clam chowder** : a hint? please?

**clam chowder** : where are you dex?

**dexpacito** : I'm not homophobic, you know that right?

**clam chowder** : of course i do!!! i already know about what you want to tell me. i've known for a while. you're bad at hiding it, you know?

**dexpacito** : Oh.

**clam chowder** : i love you, you know that too right??? me and Farmer nursey too. we know you slipped up back at the Haus, but Nursey won't chirp you for it!! none of the other boys will! i promise.

**clam chowder** : where are you?

**dexpacito** : I'm at the lake.

* * *

**[those hockey hoes]**

**BittyCoin** : Chowder and Farmer are coming back with Dex! Now that Ransom is back, everyone can get comfortable and we can soon start.

**fuckin dead** : totally wasnt my fault those lines at the store make me wanna peel my eyes out tbh

**W** : I LOVE U WGUYS

**ms kesha** : we love shitty too!

**dom** : We're back. Let's rock this bitch!

* * *

**[those hockey hoes]**

**BittyCoin** : I absolutely cannot believe none of you fools made it to bed after I left last night.

**fuckin dead** : i mean,, ford made it the closest

**BittyCoin** : Ransom. Ford fell asleep at the top of the stairs and Nursey wasn't far behind her, hun.

**fuckin dead** : like i said,,, the closest

**BittyCoin** : Fine! I'm going shopping, y'all. Please all try and rest in your actual beds and tell me anything you specifically want.

**BittyCoin** : I want to say again! Actual beds, you scoundrels. Not that godawful couch or the various other uncomfortable places around the Haus.

**king** : Yes mom

**BittyCoin** : You're grounded.

**king** : AW

**king** : Can you at least get me choccy milk

**BittyCoin** : Of course. Now bed!

**clam chowder** : scary bitty remains scary!

**ballerino** : mood

**W** : im hi ghke y sure jck is prolly turned on

**ms kesha** : LMAO

**the quiet one** : I did not need to read that at eight in the morning.

**ballerino** : also mood

**ballerino** : also also when is tango going to grace us in the digital world

**the quiet one** : When he realises he's in a group chat. Also, when he is awake. Do not wake him.

**ballerino** : wasnt plannin!!

**foxtrot** : Bitty, get me some Earl Grey tea!

**BittyCoin** : Sure.

**W** : ho w w as the mr rogers documentary?

**foxtrot** : The majority of us cried. Especially Dex.

**W** : mood

**foxtrot** : Wait, where's Farmer?

**dom** : I woke up an hour before you all to head the gym.

**clam chowder** : go girlfriend! go girlfriend! thats my girlfriend!

**ballerino** : i can't believe im adding 1 of my best friends to the list of ppl im afraid of!

**ms kesha** : sijgsjig i mean mood but who else

**ballerino** : well theres only whiskey but im also afraid of facing my feelings in a sensible way, i dont know her

**gay agenda** : relatable

**BittyCoin** : You're all depressing! Now get some rest. I'll be back soon. :)

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of the headcanons for the Haus are very random, if you want to talk headcanons, get at my tumblr @stanndrew or message me on here (if you can)!
> 
> If this proves popular, the chapters will get longer and released quicker. Please kudos and leave a comment if you liked the fic, thank you! :)


End file.
